Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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