So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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