Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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