So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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