I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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