I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
