guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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