I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
