Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
