And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
