I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
