You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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