we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
