She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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