Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
