I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
