Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize