Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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