Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
