So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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