Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
