I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The air was thick with penises
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
