You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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