She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
