tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
