Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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