I looked at my own cervix.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
