I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
