my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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