if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wish there were birth control emojis
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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