you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
