At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
