Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
