i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
