today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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