Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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