where am i from again
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
