I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
