K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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