Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
