Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
