she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
