woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
