good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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