Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
