Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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