dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
