it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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