Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
