When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
