i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
