He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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