im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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