So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it's like iHOP with fire
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
