I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
