she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize