i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
