I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
