It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
