wanna go halves on a baby?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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