Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
