Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
