I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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