I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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