I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
