If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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