A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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