Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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