Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
